On the phone Tuesday night:

“I got to go to bed.  I’m cleaning snake cages early tomorrow morning.”

“Why!?”

“Because they sh*! in them Mom.”

“This is another one of those volunteer things isn’t it?”

“No, this is for fun.”

“Really!?”

“Mom…”

“Okay.  Just be careful.  Don’t get bitten.”

“I’ll try.”

8:30 am Wednesday. Being a sloppy reptiles interior designer = the punishment you have to endure when you’re sarcastic with your mother and use four letter words. When all is said and done though, I will talk about my morning with Star Eco Station forever…

Star Eco Station in Culver City, CA exists because people try to smuggle exotic animals into the US (via LAX) because they’re desperate for money (the people not the animals) or out of their freaking minds. If the animals survive the journey stuffed into cardboard tubes, taped against sweaty humans, crammed into suitcases, or mislabeled in an innocuous looking Fed Ex boxes they can look forward to being skinned for accessories, fought for money, kept in some moron’s trophy room, or paraded down a red carpet on Paris Hilton’s arm.

Customs or other very shocked airport employees find the lucky ones. Often the animal is so traumatized and injured officials can do nothing but put the animal down.  Star Eco Station is a haven of last resort for some of these tortured animals. Currently, Star Eco Station houses over 200 kidnapped animals from around the world.

I attended a very brief volunteer orientation Saturday morning so I could come back on Wednesday and do whatever menial task the Star Eco Station staff may need me to do. All with the understanding that I will probably never get to touch an animal for my safety and theirs.  I’m introduced to Devon, animal husbandry expert (Look it up teenagers it’s not what it sounds like), and he puts me to work chopping old fruits and vegetables donated by Trader Joes for the herbivores.

Devon and I talk about the animals while we chop. He tells me about the parrots which outlived a succession of masters (parrots aren’t good pets they can live over 100 years!), the alligators found in a fed ex box, the mockingbirds found in a tube. We talk about how volunteers and employees of Star Eco Station go on to work at zoos and animal sanctuaries.  Then he’s asked by an anxious employee to step out of the room.  He leaves for a few minutes and when he walks back in he shouts over his shoulder, “Could someone clean up the blood? Thanks.”

“What blood?” I ask before I can stop myself.

“Do you really want to know?”

“No, but now that you’ve said that I kinda have to know.”

“We breed our own rats.”

“You can stop there.”

I get the picture.  There are carnivores here: alligators, caimans, bobcats, lynx, – they have to be fed too. Well that and as Devon explains they just had an angry snake on their hands.

We divide the food (chopped zucchini, sugar snap peas, apples, bananas, etc.) into bowls for the birds and Devon asks me to go ahead into the parrot room and open the automatic skylights.

Standing in the humid room, among bird smell, aiming a remote control at the ceiling I hear a slimy, “Hey Baby.”

“Okay, who said that? Not cool.” I turn around.  No one.

“Hey Baby.”

Oh good. I’m just getting cat called by a bird.  What a relief. “Hey yourself.  Which one of you said that?”

“Hey Baby.”

“Oh it’s you. Oh my God.” I say to a beautiful white parrot.

“Oh my God!” Shouts someone and I spin.

“Oh my God, which one of you said that?”

“Oh my God!” says a mischievous green parrot.

“There you are. Hahahahahaha.”

“Hahahahahaha.” – An exact replica of my laugh.

“Okay stop laughing that’s creepy.”

“Oh my God!”

“You can say that again.”

Devon comes in and suggests that there is nothing else I can do in the birdcages.  I beg to differ I’m of a simple mind and can keep this game up forever. He points me to the reptile room where I am put to work by Manny redecorating some gecko cages with fake shrubbery. He then asks me the thing I’ve been dreading all morning “Can you clean that reptile cage?”

“Sure.” I say through my teeth.  I arrange my supplies for cleaning, open the cage, and then shut the door lightning fast. “Ummm Manny… There is still a creature in this cage.”

“Oh yeah! Sorry about that.” He removes said creature and I get back to work.

Because I’m press…kinda, and was very sweet and worked without complaint I got to hold one lizard which no beginner volunteer is ever allowed to do.  I held Crayola the chameleon [pictured above].  Crayola, like women from New Mexico, likes the color turquoise.  Crayola has amazing feet that wrapped around my fingers so that if my hand had turned over he would not have moved.  I wanted to keep him, and the geckos, and the angelfish, and one of the black mockingbirds… and this is the problem.  No one should have these animals.  They’re wild and like most wild animals make lousy pets because they are a pain in the ass to take care of – trust me. But they are pretty to look at so if you want to interact with them just come volunteer at or visit Star Eco Station.

Star Eco Station rehabilitate’s animals, but their central mission is prevention through education.  If they can teach children not to treat animals like possessions and to respect wild animals in their habitats then the cycle of animal cruelty will end.

Anyone can volunteer at Star Eco Station.  You simply need to attend a volunteer orientation, and then you’re free to come in, and help prep the animals food, clean cages, walk the tortoises, and various other chores that the staff needs.

Star Eco Station is fun, educational, and honestly an adventure.  I guarantee one visit will give you stories to tell for the next month – at least.

The same day BP finally threw a cap over their spewing oil well in the Gulf of Mexico (which is expected to be as effective as celebrity rehab) the non-profitArtists & Athletes Alliance held a private discussion with Philippe Cousteau about the epic Gulf disaster.  Event attendees, like Jorga Fox , Alyssa Milano ,Stephen Baldwin and Jason Marz , were treated to Cousteau’s inside information about the spill and it’s consequences, and got a rare glimpse of his feisty Irish side when discussing BP, the government, and our dependence on fossil fuels.

Frustrated with the media’s  B-level response to the BP oil spill, Cousteau decided it was time for…Read Full Article on Celsias

Let me tell you about the Gulf before the oil spill.  For decades Panama City Beach, Florida was my sanctuary. To this day I can sit in my room in Los Angeles, CA and remember what the air smelled like; salt, seaweed, and sulfur – and if my mom was around – Ban de Sole coconut oil.  Some might think these are unpleasant smells mixed together, but to this day if I smell anything similar my heart rate plummets to a relaxing thud and I’ll smile.

I was two weeks old when I first went to Panama City Beach.  My parents took me in the ocean from the very beginning and because of that I was never afraid.  Instead my parents’ challenge was to instill a healthy respect, as I would go swimming out…Read Full Article on Celsias

(Picture: Sunset from my grandparents’ balcony)

After 15 grueling days of voting you’ve chosen Kidsave to receive the Reader’s Digest $1500. Kidsave supporters voted from around the world and one fan pledged to double the Reader’s Digest award so Kidsave will be receiving $4500 which is amazing and I’m beyond happy for them.

I would like to thank all the groups that participated.  You should know that you all have rabid supporters and fans.  They flooded my site and as a result broke it.  Right now we are trying to resolve a technical issue, which reroutes every article to the Award blog unless you click on the title.  YOU BROKE MY FREAKIN SITE!  And honestly, no sarcasm, I’m thrilled. It warms my little heart.

Please carry the enthusiasm that you had for voting into action.  Know that all these groups deserve and need physical and financial support to survive.

Remember…  Without clean water we all die – so thanks Heal The Bay. Our greatness as a species is measured by how we treat other creatures – thanks to The Lange Foundation.  If we don’t educate then we’ll never improve – many thanks to EarthEcho International. If we don’t lift people out of poverty they can’t even consider education – thanks Kiva.  And our children (and they’re all our children) deserve so much more than what we’re leaving them right now – thank you Kidsave.

Reader’s Digest called last week to inform me that because I was featured in the “Make it Matter” section of the June/July issue I get a $1500 grant for either my non-profit or a non-profit of my choice. I don’t have a non-profit. I just help them. So I’m going to give the money to a non-profit. Problem is I can’t make up my mind. I worked with dozens upon dozens of different groups and I love them all for different reasons.

To fix the problem I sat down with a group of scientists. Okay, not scientists… People in the know… Anyway, we came up with a list of the non-profits who are efficient, badass, and most of all desperately need money. Vote please! Rock the Vote and all that jazz. Vote for you favorite. Who should get the money? Below are the 5 finalists’ mission statements and a link to each group’s webpage. I have my favorites now I want to see yours. You can vote for your top three at once, but only one time! Poll will be live from July 1st at midnight to 11:59 pm on July 15th. Have fun…

The Charities Mission Statements and Websites:

EarthEcho International – EarthEcho.org

EarthEcho International’s mission is to empower youth to take action that restores and protects our water planet. Education combined with service learning offers a tremendous opportunity to empower young minds, but there is very little ocean education and service learning available today on a national scale. EarthEcho International’s programs works to fill these voids in ways that unite the efforts of other prominent organizations. http://www.earthecho.org

Heal the Bay ­– HealtheBay.org

Heal the Bay is a nonprofit environmental organization dedicated to making Southern California coastal waters and watersheds, including Santa Monica Bay, safe, healthy and clean. We use research, education, community action and advocacy to pursue our mission. http://www.healthebay.org

Kidsave – Kidsave.org

Kidsave works to create change in policy and practice – so forgotten kids in government care can grow up in families. We help older kids in the US foster care system get adopted, help Russian orphans find families in Russia, and help orphans from Colombia, Russia and Sierra Leone find families and mentors in their own countries. http://www.kidsave.org

Kiva –Kiva.org

Kiva’s mission is to connect people, through lending, for the sake of alleviating poverty. Kiva empowers individuals to lend to an entrepreneur across the globe. By combining microfinance with the Internet, Kiva is creating a global community of people connected through lending. http://www.kiva.org

The Lange Foundation – LangeFoundation.com

The Lange Foundation is dedicated to saving impounded companion animals from being destroyed, and preparing them for a journey to a new, safe, loving world. Lange Foundation is a nonprofit 501(c)(3), tax-deductible organization. http://www.langefoundation.com

I went to a costume party the night before my first 5k run ever. Not the smartest move. I know. As a nondrinker/smoker/recreational drug user I figured I’d be fine.

I don’t want to tell you this next piece because I’m sure I will get emails about being insensitive, trashy, heartless etc. but here ya go… I decided to go as a crack head like my roommate (it was a theme group). Insensitive – yes. Easy to do – you bet ya.

We sprinkled our black clothes with powdered sugar, put on makeup a la Amy Winehouse, dreaded our hair and using various Hollywood makeup tricks picked up on sets made it look like we were… well you get the idea.

I was secretly hoping that someone would say, “nice costume.” To which I was going to reply “What costume? This is a costume party?” That was going to be the highlight of my boring day. Unfortunately, I have quick actor friends who upon seeing me enter the party said, “Hey you were suppose to wear a costume!” Damn.

Anyway, long story abbreviated I got 3 hours of sleep and was cursing myself when I had to wake up for Run for the Trees at 6am the next morning. Mornings are the devils playground. Why is the world such a hostile place? Mornings.

Arriving at the race base camp at Dockweiler Beach I tucked last nights dreaded hair into a baseball cap, stuck my Ipod firmly in my ears, dragged my feet over to the registration table, got my number, and then had to pick up a t-shirt. I hate event t-shirts as noted in this blog numerous times before. Surprise, the smallest size they had was women’s mediums. Note to non-profit coordinators for the 100th time – we hate the t-shirts! They are wasteful, bad for the environment, and ugly as hell, but if you are obsessively compelled to make them (and apparently you are) and find sick pleasure in forcing us to wear them order more smalls and extra smalls especially at a 5k, 10k, marathon races.

Run for the Trees’ purpose was to raise funds for the Amazon Foundation, which was founded in 2009 to acquire and preserve large tracts of the Amazon Rainforest. Fine and good, however, as I waited for the race to begin I noticed something quite disturbing. Between the flyers being handed out, drinks in disposable plastic, and new t-shirts it’s arguable that more waste was produced by this event than trees saved.

Back to the race – I stood there, in the large starting pack, hopping from one foot to the other trying to warm up and calm down at the same time. Two nights before I had run 4.25 miles to test that I could do the distance. I felt great after that run, but I had completed it in an hour. Everyone around me looked like they were serious about racing. Like stretching/warming up serious. They were actually going to run fast! For real. Did they know it was not even 8 am yet on Sunday? I hate being at the back. Okay, I’m a bit OCD about being first. Not good.

The race started and I immediately began to hyperventilate. I had to be first! Had too! Okay that’s not going to happen. It took half a mile to get my breathing under control. I was running too fast. At one mile my stomach cramped and my mouth dried up. I kept thinking, “What the hell is happening? I’m freaking athletic. My stomach hurts too badly. I’m going to have to stop.” Then a few ten year olds passed me. Embarrassing. Then a guy pushing a baby stroller tried to pass me. No sir. No sir. I draw the line at being beat by a human pushing another human.

Finally, I fixed my gaze on the muscular back of the ripped guy in front of me. “He’s going to finish with a good time. And he’s not bad to look at. Stay 10 feet behind him till the end.” And that’s what I did. Pulling up only at the very end to protect my knee from a steep downhill finish I crossed the line in 27:12. Not bad for a first timer. However, because it’s in my DNA to never be satisfied, I’m now pissed I couldn’t finish under 27. Although I consider waking up early and then racing akin to being burned with a hot poker I might have to do that again just to shoot for 26.

P.S. Those stomach cramps turned out to be a stomach virus so I spent the rest of the day curled up on the bathroom floor pressing my head against cold tiles thinking about how I could have gone just a bit faster. Too competitive not to race – not competitive enough to train. It’s a curse.

Attention Bachelors: Stop Buying Leather Couches! Actually check that. I’m talking to anyone who purchases leather furniture. Put your VHS tape of “Coming to America” away, and let’s talk about why leather couches are the most unpleasant piece of furniture that can be purchased.

1. Is your furniture cold or is it just you?
One feature of leather that isn’t discussed often on the sales room floor is it’s uncanny ability to absorb and magnify the temperature of the surrounding room. This temperature issue is particularly grating as any man with an air conditioning unit in his apartment or house will jack it down to 60 degrees (I can almost guarantee this. How they expect to get a woman naked in a polar environment can be saved for another discussion, but perhaps they are thinking to apply the “Can I warm you up?” technique. I digress. )

Since his apartment/house is guaranteed to be 60 degrees you can bet your frozen bottom that his premium Italian leather couch will feel like…Read full article on Celsias