Why men* love thongs and hate Jane Austen?

Now I know I promised an answer to this almost universal truth and mind bender weeks ago.  Sorry.  I had to do some research and then I discovered it’s a long answer.  Again, sorry.

While quizzing males I got a variety of answers from “Because thongs are just awesome.” to “’Cause men are already romantic and shit so we don’t need Jane Austen.”

So I averaged the difference, carried the one and found the closest possible denominator – exposure.

In other words… Men love the female body, but like to keep the female mind a mystery.

Thongs (whether you, as a female, look best in them or not) expose the most skin possible while still wearing underwear. Jane Austen, and particularly Jane Austen movies, expose only slight amounts of décolletage.  AKA there is very little flesh in Jane Austen.

In contrast thongs tell you very little about the state of a female’s mind or her personality.  I know judges and strippers who wear thongs – seemingly different mindset though both just.

But Jane Austen can tell you a lot about the female mind, and sexual politics (yes, even modern sexual politics). Without having read Jane many men like to believe Austen is simply about the stereotypical pursuit of a husband.  Yes, she uses matchmaking often as a plot point but most of the books are actually about maintaining independence and force of will though you were required by society to pair up.  The books were written during a time when a woman was completely defined by the man she married.  As a female in the Georgian era you faced the brutal choice (if you had a choice at all) of whether to keep your independence and name but face possible poverty, marry someone you didn’t love for security, or find a love match no matter the consequences (rare).  Many of Austen’s characters resist or are reluctant to marry, and in that we discover their dreams and aspirations – what they are and are not willing to give up.

So in conclusion, heterosexual men love exposure of the female body but are uncomfortable with some of the clockwork of the female mind. Which = Thongs > Jane Austen in the male mind. It’s cool. I get it. Kinda. The unknown is scary.

Finally, I would like to add that I am completely and utterly biased.  I love Jane Austen.  I didn’t always love her.  In the 8^th grade I called Pride and Prejudice the most boring book ever composed.  But then one day I actually read it, read between the lines, and got the jokes. Jane is hilarious. One of the greatest comedy writers of all time. She was funny while making a case for our sex.

As for my opinion of thongs… Well… Some things are best left to the imagination.

*Defined as lots of straight men.  Many of my homosexual male friends have severe love for the Jane and asked to be distinguished from this group.

Next week we’ll address a more topical question for this blog:

What is the lamest thing about volunteering? And how do we fix it.

“Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15 to 24 year olds.”

Downer opening but, let’s face it, 15-24 is rough. For many of us it’s the worse time of our life.  Almost impossible. You get raging hormones, a new body, acne, and hair in random places. You want to experiment with stuff, learn what you are and are not capable of, but you’re still under the watchful eye of the ever present parentals. And then there are your classmates. I don’t know many adults who weren’t picked on to some extent.

Personally, I feared walking into the cafeteria so much during high school that I started eating lunch in the library with the librarian. I got a lot of reading done.

But, besides being female, I wasn’t in any minority or oppressed group. I can’t fathom…

“LGB youth are up to 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers.”

Is it any wonder?  We tell them they can die for their country but they can’t tell us who they really are.  We tell them they can’t legally be with the person that they love, so sorry – no legal protection for you. In many countries lesbians, gays, and bisexuals are even butchered by the law. So, is it any wonder?

That’s why I’m so honored I got to work with The Trevor Project on Labor Day weekend.

The Trevor Project’s goal is to stop suicide among young lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning youth, but anyone seeking help is welcome to call their 24/7 help line 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) to talk to a counselor.

My friend Sara, who spent time in Africa rehabilitating monkeys (random amazing factoid – see pic), joined me and other volunteers from the group Century of Compassion. We made survival kits!  Filled with information on GLBTQ literature and films and tips on how to deal with and prevent bullying. The kits are sent to kids, parents, schools, anyone who needs help – and they’re free, so don’t be shy about calling to ask for one.

The Trevor Project needs volunteers to make survival kids, be lifeline counselors (you have to go through training), or answer Trevor Chat.  Trevor Chat is a new instant messaging program for anyone who might be too scared to call.  They’ve talked to kids as young as 9 who need counseling.

Trevor took 33,000 calls last year, and intervened in a several suicide attempts.  If you have a friend or know someone who needs to talk please encourage them to call.

Life is rough but it would be so much less interesting without you around. Lots of people care and have been through something similar.  Please call 866-4-U-Trevor.

It gets so much better.

Back in April, I had a dirty, starving kitten in a Frito Lays box shoved into my arms.  I didn’t really have a clue how I was going to find it a home. I didn’t have the time or resources. I just knew kitten rehab was required.

As usual the person who dropped the baby off assured me they would find it a home. Then they changed their cell number, hair color, and moved out of state.

Now I love cats. I love all animals, but I am at cat mass capacity – as I do not live on a farm. Yet.

So, I was stuck with rehabbed kitten, and my adult cats were getting tired of baby-sitting.  I feared one day I would walk into the apartment to see Frito kitten strung upside town over a tiny bonfire while my big cats roasted marshmallows over the embers of a newly delivered eviction notice.

To top off the tail – casting was about to start on my plays, and I was, in every way, about to become an absentee human. I had no time to raise a baby.

Thank God for Heaven On Earth Society for Animals.  My name and story was passed from animal loving friend to acquaintance until I was finally put in touch with Eri Kriteman, Heaven Founder, and Pamela Geisel, Sanctuary Manager.  I have, honestly, rarely or ever come in contact with such accommodating and kind animal non-profit workers. They jumped into action setting up an appointment with their vet for Frito kitten and then partnering with Much Love Animal Rescue to set up her eventual adoption.

If you’re in Southern California and want to volunteer with animals I HIGHLY RECOMMEND working with Heaven on Earth, and Much Love (or one of my all time favorites – The Lange Foundation).

Heaven keeps 70-80 cats at any given time at their no-kill shelter.  Most are special needs cats (older, physically challenged, etc.) The cats are fed, given quality medical care, and constantly loved on. Much Love works with younger animals prime for adoption – and thus Frito kitty would be adopted through them.

The long and short of the situation is I now cannot wait to visit the shelter and volunteer with the cats.  These groups jumped in to help me in the middle of kitten season (for the record, my old friends, the Lange Foundation also responded with an offer to help Heaven just got to me first). Their resources were stretched to the limit, but they took in kitten now dubbed “Chrissy” (happy picture attached) so that she could go to adoption events and find a home.

No doubt Chrissy found a great home.  I’ve never seen a kitten so young learn to beg by rubbing against legs.  She’s a swell kiss a*!.  My cats taught her well.

For the kiddies starting back to school.

I didn’t do anything really major this summer. Nothing really.  Just went to Alaska to see my plays done in Valdez.  Then produced “The Reaper,” “Things Unsaid,” and “Sweet Nothings” with a star studded cast in the Hollywood Fringe Festival.  I worked with legendary actors Robert Pine, Peter Jason, Jane Heitz, and April Shawhan and soon to be legendary Scott Bloom, Catero Colbert, Nick Giordano, Taylor Treadwell, Dana Daurey, and Shay Astar.  I even had a Special Musical Guest Trey Green play with Jon Sosin! (Trey did owe me since I got practically naked in his music video, but I digress.) And then I…

GOT PUBLISHED!!!

Excitement abounds. Am crazy real playwright now like Wilde, Moliere, Williams, and, dare I say it, Shakespeare. Except… I’m alive! Completely [happy sigh]. Sorry, I was discussing? Oh yes…

I also mean this to be an apology of sorts because I totally dropped the muse ball. Now that it’s fall I’m back on it and plan to work with the Trevor Project, Pablove, Heaven on Earth Society for Animals, and I’m doing a freakin polar bear jump within the year. Promise.

I would also like to say that I’m switching the mission of TheGoodMuse just a bit.  Instead of just looking for different kinds of groups to support (i.e. KidSave, TreePeople, FoodForward) I will now be working with groups who maybe have the same mission as another just different styles (Heavenly Creatures/Lange Foundation or Surfrider/Heal the Bay).

So send on your suggestions. Let’s see what ya got.

Welcome to the first in a new series of blogs I would like to call TheGoodMuse Explains.  We will cover Volunteering Questions as well as Life Mess…

My friends found out (because I complained loudly to everyone) that I had jury service and so the question this week is:

Q: Why not write the jury service up as a Volunteer Journal?

A: Any activity in which you participate only to avoid jail time or a $1,500 fine does not count as volunteering.

The problem is the word volunteer which is defined by the lovely Merriam-Webster as one who renders a service or takes part in a transaction while having no legal concern or interest.

Juries would be better if they were stocked with volunteers, but short of making it a requirement for law students to graduate no one but a sadist would do it. Case closed.

This weeks question and answer brought to you by my friends who don’t want to be dragged to volunteer anymore.

Next Week we’ll discuss why men love thongs but hate Jane Austen…

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Kiva.org’s mission, to alleviate poverty by allowing lenders across the world to make microloans for as little as $25, has already facilitated $200,000,000 in loans. Kiva Green hopes to alleviate “Energy Poverty.” As Premal Shah, President of Kiva.org explains…Read Full Article Here